yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
