some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize