oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
