I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
