If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
