you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
