It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
