someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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