come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
