paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
