I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
