He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
