How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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