So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
