So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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