I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
