His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
