i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
