Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
