Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
