i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
