matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
