meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
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