i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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