shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
