Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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