just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wear drunk well.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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