I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
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My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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