3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
