butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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