Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
