You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
