he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
