one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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