Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
