after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
