VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
