it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
