I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
