yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
