WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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