I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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