i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
