Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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