He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
