I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
