Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
