It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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