In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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