I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
