you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
