u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
