If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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