My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
