Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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