Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
