You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
