please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
