At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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