I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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