dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
