i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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