Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
