I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
