When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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