There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
