She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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