I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
