Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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