her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
