It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
