The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
