You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
