i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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