Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
