It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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