a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
