dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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