So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
