Yo dont text me then not text me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
