Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
