I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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