Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
