and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
