Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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